My inner feelings

Yesterday i stayed over at Grandma's place.. i talk to my sis, shirley..about my struggles with my feelings, thinking something is wrong with me..

After talking with her, i felt so much better and realise that i am normal cos i have found my one true love, which explains all the weird reactions i have...

Fate let us meet, chance let our fate intertwine..forever, my love will be for u...and only you..黄建俊

人生，往往都会在不经意之中留下遗憾，都是我们不希望看到的。想笑就笑，想哭就哭，该爱的时候就去爱

人生短短几十年，在茫茫人海中，两个人相遇，相知，相爱，最终才能走到一起，
既然互相选择了对方就证明彼此非常相爱，不离不弃，无怨无悔。永远珍惜这份爱。
十年的时间，爱也许会变得越来越现实，越来越淡，但是经过十年的磨合，
已经非常了解彼此，互相依赖，互相习惯，早已经不是充满幻想的年龄，
不是说散就散的年龄，早已经从爱情转变为一种亲情，一种责任。一个伴。。。

23.06.2010 One Month Anniversary

Yesterday was our one month officially... i can say we've been through alot for just one month...seems like we've known each other for so long... easily blending into each other's lives..

Though we did not celebrate the one month, this day still holds special siginificance for me..

It's just a normal day.. the day before i sent uncle kwok n aunty robyn to airport so i didnt see him.. so yesterday i really wanted to see him desperately.. however no sms nor call from him..i got frantic.. afterall is our one month and its raining so heavily with floodings that i got worried..

lucky in the end is all misunderstandings... i'm quite surprised to the level of telepathy we have with each other...i can sense when he is down or in trouble or what he feels like eating ... it is not spt on all the time but it amazes me... yesterday i was so worried not cos i worry he go find some other girl..but cos he didnt reply anything at all..

after talking to him, i realise he was caught in the heavy rain, flooding and even a fallen tree!..scary... at least after seeing him, my heart calmed down...

dear dear..must take care and try to inform me on where u are at least..

at night we went for some vinegar pigs trotter, hokkien mee and chicken wings at Tebrau market..then we returned to his house..as we ate very full, we cannot go to sleep immediately.. so we listened to some songs... i just shoot him some random questions like what color he likes.. and guess what he likes blue and purple..like me! haha..and he hates people telling lies.. as well as i could guess he hates doing household chores..hahahha.. amazing..

we even took some pictures using his new camera...haha...i want to post those pictures but he hasn't gave it to me yet..hehe..i must claim it quickly before he lose it...

after that we hug each other for a slow dance to the music... i guess a hugs says it all... those moments, are precious, the feelings we shared for each other flows out..... though we did not say 'i love u' that hug contains all those feelings... i wish time never moved...

dearest..do u feel the same as me?

Badminton + Movie

Today was a fun day... first we went toast n toast for some snacks and then went for badminton at DJsport near Perling bridge there... Badminton was fun.. we played with our brothers Chengjie and Jiannwei (Andy).. at least i could see dear was very happy.. he loves it when he can be with family.. Seeing dear smile is more precious than anything in the world..

After badminton we went to look at some second hand car.. then we went to the Italy cafe at Yew's in perling for a Father's day meal..hehe.... seeing everyone including JJ n JW enjoy makes me enjoy too..

Picture taken while waiting for my brother to fininsh his dental appointment:



Picture taken at the italian cafe:


Finally we decided to go watch A-Team at U-mall (Taman U).. hehe...was nice..and they had RM5 for senior citizen..was worth it and the movie was nice..

However, today i saw him in contact with Annie again... gosh.. i knew i was sad... i still mind that he is in contact with her.. i know he didnt want me to worry so he didnt tell me much about Annie... but i guess that is kind of bothering me.. Maybe i should be upfront to him about her?

Should i? her very existence still affects me.. and honestly i am scared..really scared to lose him.. really scared cos i don't know what place i have in his heart.. can i ever take the place she had before in his heart? i am scared..really scared.... who can help me in this?

But if this goes on, it will affect us.. if i get a chance alone with him, i will be frank with him, cos i no longer want her to come in between us.. i want to trust him completely... i want my love to touch and reach him...not engulf him in sorrow...

Please God, let us tide through this together as one... i have determined that his is the one for me.. i am not ready to lose him yet.

Dim Sum @ kulai

Last night.. i was supposed to go home.. i didnt want to make the call..i have made up my mind, if he send me home i will accept..but he took me to his home instead... i guess our lonely souls just need each other...

The next morning, today i went with him to his office, then to kulai, we ate some dimsum there..not too bad..simple and good... after that he took me home..

I must be getting greedier..each time i'm apart from him, i want him even more..want to be closer want him to be totally mine..am i going crazy... i know i have to get used to this.. i can't sink any deeper.. slowly give me some time my dear.. i will get used to letting you go... this is our agreement and we should give ourselves some space... tomorrow i probably can't see you but i won't be sad.. i will find something for me to do....keep myself occupied..

dear dear.. i want us to last and for our future..i will be stronger...strong enough to support you..

Please know wherever u are..your baby is still here for you ..i'm just a phone call away...

Missing u...

Dearest 俊.. baby miss u so much... working yet can't work..keep thinking of u.. i know this is really bad but baby i just wanna let u know that i can't live without u... i need you, want u, love u, miss u...

bb must be so busy working now... dun wanna disturb u...so post my feelings here.. wahahaha..

dear dear....tomorrow, can i stay at your house again? can i hug u to sleep? can i talk to u heart to heart again..

dear dear..i miss every second being with u...

Durian Festa

At first i was suppose to stay in Singapore.. Wanted to give him some space... haha..then he texted me asked if i could stay with him for the night.. my heart immediately said yes and i went back Malaysia..

We had a nice night together..eating Ikan Bakar and then Durians... The Durians weren't that fantastic but the joy of eating it with him makes everything so sweet. I love those moments..

Then again, sleeping in his arms and waking up beside him always makes me feel so warm at heart.. i can't live without him honestly..i'll be so lost.. love the feeling of hugging him to sleep..love the feeling of feeling his body heat on me..love it when he hugs me back... love everything about him...

Dear Dear..love u love u XOXOXO...muacks!

Explore Singapore City Area

Today me and dear dear went on a trip to Singapore.. was fun... we had lots of good food and walked alot..poor dear dear..his leg hurts... *ouch*..sayang sayang... hehe..


We went to PC fair, walked around Suntec City and PC show @ Suntec Convention Centre, Went to the Esplanade... I guess the best part was the Esplanade view of the city... he loves it..and i feel happy...

i always wanted to go there with the person i love and enjoy it with him.. we talked about the future and the lives we want... i see a future in us.. but will it last...

After that we went back to his house and for the first time i officially stayed over at his place..lol.. hugged him to sleep and we slept peacefully and sweetly.. i nv felt so warm before..someone hugging me to sleep and nv let go throughout.. i love that feeling...love his warmth, smell, touch..

Can't wait for the day we can officially say 'i do'...

Our first picture took together..and i love it so much..

love you my dearest..

4eva.

SMS Frenzy

My dear dear wrote to me:

"我想到的是可以一起做想做的事情，一起奋斗，一起迈向目标及梦想。互相扶持，不管遇到什么困难都不会离弃彼此。轰轰烈烈的爱下去。"

I am so touched by his words..hope it all comes true cos i have made up my mind and no matter what comes our way i will always be by his side supporting him!